In each marital conflict, much like in everyday conflict, every single person has at least two options; to fight or take flight? In their effort to fight for a solution in a single conflict, they will have a chance to grow. I'm not saying that fleeing is a bad option. I'm just saying that fighting gives more opportunity to learn.
I'll continue with an example. Let's say I love playing games. There was never a day where I didn't play games. Let's say I at least spend more than 4 hours to play every day. That means more than 28 hours a week or more than 120 hours a month. 4 hours may not be a big number in a single day. However, this does not apply if you're currently working from 8 to 5.
In every working day, 4 hours should be significant if we allocate them for other activities.
Such routines wouldn't be much of a problem when we're single. Let's just say that we have all of our time for ourselves. However, this is not the case when we're married. At the very least we have to spare our time for our spouse. In this case, that would mean reducing my game-time. So should I reduce my game-time or have my spouse cope with my routine? This is not a difficult question. The answer would be sparing more time for my spouse. Either that or have my spouse play games together with me.
Above is just a simple example of repressing my needs for a better cause. Although it might not be that simple if I were addicted to games. The point is, by repressing my needs for game, I'm growing up. We all know that less selfish means more mature. The more we are able to repress our selfishness, the better we are in maturity.
Moving on to another example. Find something more basic and more difficult to overcome. Find something that we define "white" while our spouse define "black". Find something where we are faced with two options, that is to strictly define "white is white" or to go with "white is black". Find something that is so basic that we have to beat our logic just to cope with the fact that "white IS black".
If you've found those "white" and "black" situation and in the end you've decided that "white is black", then it's two thumbs up for you. Defeating logic is not a simple matter. To acknowledge something against your believes requires a great effort. If you're willing to accommodate your spouse that far then you're already in the maturity zone.
I'd like to emphasize that this is not about being weak in our marriage. When the time comes where we need to defend our opinion then defend it at all cause. The key point is going for a better cause where we realize that it is much more important to cope with our spouse instead of being persistent. It all comes back to how we respond to such marital conflicts.
Maintaining our relationship in marriage requires constant communication and understanding. During our communication with our spouse, there will be a chance to understand their thoughts or needs. In our effort to understand and accommodate them, we will find ourselves more and more mature.
So, are you married and mature?
yupe. i'm married and mature :)
BalasHapusAlhamdulillah.
BalasHapus